Several
described the challenges of maintaining a loving relationship and chaos-free
household when both partners work long hours and also may travel frequently.
Here are some of their road-tested ideas for making such relationships work:
Define Your Roles
Couples don’t have much
time to focus on their personal life. So, they should work out an arrangement
early on: One, would handle the tasks that could be done remotely, like paying
the bills; the other would take care of anything that needed to be done in
person. Just being explicit in advance about what your roles are is really
helpful. That’s the way things don’t fall through the cracks.
Put the Relationship First
Marriages require a lot
of care and feeding. Yet for many dual-career couples, “the relationship
unfortunately is the thing that tends to get neglected”. It’s like being in an
airplane when the oxygen masks come down. You’ve got make sure that the
relationship is healthy before you worry about other things.
Outsource Whatever You Can
It’s like outsourcing
other people to get the work done. Like, hire a nanny in the first place which
apart from helping with the children, nanny also does the grocery shopping,
child-chauffeuring, and other routine errands. By having logistical things
taken care of on the home front, you would feel like spending more quality time
with your family.
Remember That the Laundry Really Can Wait
Lower your standards and live
in a small apartment that doesn’t require a lot of upkeep. If the laundry isn’t
folded promptly, it’s no big deal. Couples should not hold each other
accountable for having a perfect life. One shouldn’t expect to make dinner
every night, and neither other expect, either.
Keep Rituals
Keep rituals like regular
outings giving you the time and space to talk about big agenda issues in your lives — work-life balance, mental and physical health, finances, and
relationships with family and friends — before things became problematic.
Set Your Limits
One should take a job
which has negotiable terms or doesn’t require being on field for maximum time. So,
you’ve got to define what is important to you as a family, and you’ve got to
stick to it.
Have Realistic Expectations
People often think they
know exactly what they want in a future spouse, including good looks, brains,
earning power, and the disposition to be a good parent. There are a bunch of men
who say, I really want to marry someone who is a brilliant [career person], but
then when they get married, they also want their spouse to have kids and be a
supermom. It’s critical for dual-career couples to have an open dialogue about
their expectations before marriage.
